Computer Virii Jokes

OPRAH WINFREY VIRUS:

Your 1.3gb hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80mb and then slowly expands back to 1.3gb.

AT&T VIRUS:

Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.

MCI VIRUS:

Every three minutes it reminds you that you’re paying too much for the AT&T virus.

ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER VIRUS:

Terminates and stays resident. Then starts running for office.

TERRY RANDLE VIRUS:

Prints “oh no you don’t” whenever you choose “Abort”.

CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS:

Runs every program on the hard drive simultaneously, but doesn’t allow the user to accomplish anything.

EMELDA MARCOS VIRUS:

Sings you a song (slightly off key) on boot up, then subtracts money from your Quicken account and spends it all on expensive shoes it purchases through Prodigy.

GEORGE W. BUSH VIRUS:

Starts up the computer with apparent intention of ridding the computer of all other virii, but ends up only looking for more oil…

L.A.P.D. VIRUS:

It claims it feels threatened by the other files on your PC and erases them in “self-defense”.

Dr. Suess, Nerd Style

If a Packet Hits a pocket on a socket on a port, and the bus is interrupted as a very last resort, and the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort, then the socket packet pocket has an error to report.

If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash, and the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash, and your data is corrupted ’cause the index doesn’t hash, then the situation’s hopeless and your systems gonna crash!

If the label on the cable on the table at your house, says the network is connected to the button on your mouse, but your packets want to tunnel on another protocol, that’s repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall, and your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss, so your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse, then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang, ’cause as sure as I’m a poet, the sucker’s gonna hang!

When the copy of your floppy’s getting sloppy on the disk, and the microcode instructions cause unnecessary risk, then you have to flash your memory and you’ll want to RAM your ROM. Quickly turn off the computer and be sure to tell your mom.

-b